Homework
Abundance of Appreciation
Nayada Cowherd, contributing editor
It’s one of the first things we teach our children, right after “mama”, “dada” and the magic word “please”. We learn to say thanks but less often do we know what it actually means to be appreciative. And even less likely how to show appreciation. Thankfulness is almost perfunctory. But it is also about accentuating the positive. And even a negative can be positive. That is all about perspective.
The Thank You Power by Deborah Norville is a book that has been out for a couple of years but it remains one of my favorites. (I even purchased a case and give them out as thank you gifts.) It is based on the simple theory that gratitude begets gratitude. The more you are thankful, the more you have to be thankful for. According to the book (and my experience) it is a proven fact. In studies, participants were asked to rate their days. One group was asked to do so and focus on the negative, one group focused on the positive and the third group focused on their day in general. You can guess who had the best quality of life/day. The individuals that focused on the positive felt better about even things that seemed to be stressful.
Certainly, in times of challenge or stress it can be difficult to find ways to see the blessings of the situation. Initially, a reason for appreciation may not at all be obvious. But if you teach your child to stop for a moment, embrace the challenge and turn it around to work for them, they almost assuredly will be better for it, if only because they didn’t let it bring them down. In fact, some of the most influential CEO’s were made as a result of what could be viewed as a negative situation. Two guys were fired from their home improvement jobs. They didn’t get mad or depressed. They turned it around and started their own business. They called it Home Depot. I am sure they are thanking their former boss!
Pay It Forward
Another element of being appreciative is “paying it forward”. A concept that dates back to ancient Greece but was rediscovered and described by Ben Franklin in 1784:
In 2000, the concept was made into a feature film based on the novel, Pay It Forward*, by Catherine Ryan Hyde. In Ryan Hyde's book and movie the premise is described as a requirement to do three good deeds for others as repayment of each good deed that one receives. These deeds can only be things that the other person cannot accomplish on their own. This strategy is one that can easily be conveyed to children and encourages them to be thankful, socially aware and to take a role in making the world a better place. The main character was child, thus giving other children someone they can relate to.
Being thankful is not restricted to someone else’s actions and it should be applied, on a consistent basis, to everything that one feels, has or benefits from. And as always model the behavior for your children, as they learn what they live.
*(Movie rating: some violence and death)
Teaching your family to have and show appreciation is a greater task than it may appear. Routine practice, and not waiting until Thanksgiving, will help develop lifelong habits of thankfulness. Here are some ideas to help your family understand the value appreciation:
- Send handwritten thank you cards, even for the smallest things.
- Make baked items and wrap them nicely or select a favorite recipe and include with the ingredients in a basket.
- Meditate and reflect on reasons to be thankful.
- Make a Wall of Gratitude.
Items needed:
- Space on a wall
- Post-It notes (multiple colors)
- Pen or marker
- Optional: Border strips or a large empty frame (Ikea sells nice inexpensive frames)
Directions:
- Mount the border strips or the frame on the wall
- Write the deed, person or sentiment that you are thankful for on the post-it and strategically post inside the frame
- Optional: On a second post-it write down how you plan to pay it forward and attach it to the bottom of the corresponding note.
Be sure to add at least one or two new notes everyday and reread previously posted notes. Watch your appreciation grow!
Contact Nayada: TheParentStop@gmail.com
FaceBook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Washington-DC/Peaceful-Parenting
