Learning
Ten Ways to Make the Most of Family Gatherings
by Karen Schachter, contributing editor
Every other year, over Labor Day weekend, our family has a huge family reunion, with almost 100 people in attendance for a long, 3-day weekend. Lots of reminiscing, laughing, and happy photos. Also, lots of eating, some drinking, too many rich deserts and the occasional family tension and stressful dynamics that started decades ago, in some cases, yet still lingers.
Although family gatherings are supposed to be joyful and fun, they are sometimes equally stressful and unhealthy. And what can make them even more challenging is our expectation that they should be like the reunions we see on television.
When your family gatherings turn out to be more like an episode from a high-drama soap opera (layered with too much alcohol and food) than a “Leave It To Beaver” episode, these tips may help you navigate them:
- Plan ahead with family: Who are the family members you feel most comfortable with? Plan to focus most on them and less on those who stress you out. How long do you want to stay — really? It’s ok to cut a visit short if it feels in the best interest of you and your immediate family.
- Plan ahead with food: Although you may not have control over what’s being served, you can offer to bring something that is healthy and delicious. Also, consider packing healthy snacks and eating them before facing the endless buffet!
- Take good care of yourself: Plan to offer yourself extra nourishment before, during and after. Whether that means calling a friend, debriefing with your spouse, or excusing yourself during a stressful conversation and going for a walk...the key is to pay attention to your needs and feelings.
- Look in the mirror: How do you contribute to the tension in your family? Can you adjust your understanding of other points of view? Is there something you can do to shift the dynamics?
- Communicate in healthy ways: Get to the heart of things by asking questions in a relaxed, open, non-defensive way. Listen more than you speak. Look for positive changes in people and comment on them sincerely.
Although family gatherings can be tense and challenging at times, they can also provide a wonderful opportunity for growth, connection and unconditional love. Although everyone longs for that “Leave it To Beaver” family dynamic, it’s also true that it’s our family’s quirks and differences that make them special!
