Family Reunions — “Pleasurable or Stressful”
Jeannine Marzella, PhDc., contributing editor
http://www.ALimitlesslife.com
Jeannine@Alimitlesslife.com
It’s that time of year when families come to gather, catch-up and enjoy Aunt Gay’s potato salad. Reunions are a pleasurable experience for many, yet painful for some. Our families are experts at touching our hearts and pushing our buttons. If the thought of a family reunion is stressful, just let me help you navigate it.
If it’s stressful, why go?
There may be relatives you never get to see again, family stories you may never get to hear, and a chance to show how much you have evolved.
When you plan, it eases your mind and creates what is known in psychology as a "self-fulfilling prophecy". So what I suggest to clients is be prepared and create your own destiny. Just like you plan how you dress and what food you eat, also plan a pleasurable experience.
Make dressing for the occasion fun. Do you have an outfit in your closet you've been saving to wear? Ask yourself what your clothes are projecting. What does your dress say about who you are and where you are in life? Remember, this is an occasion to show how much you yourself have developed.
You might choose to bring food. Research until you find a recipe or dish that fits your diet yet is appealing and interesting to others. Be knowledgeable about the origin of your delicacy. It can make for great conversation and a way to exemplify your savoir-faire. Remember, practice makes perfect. The old saying here can be true. If you are making a dish, be sure to have had some practice with preparing it before sharing it. If store bought, be certain to have done a taste test. Presentation is everything. Serve it with confidence.
Bring support. Invite a guest who can help you through the event and process afterwards.
What are your accommodations? Entice yourself with something that appeals to you. Why not plan a hotel or bed and breakfast? If you stay with family, plan alone time. Maybe walk a baby, the dog or take a drive by a favorite spot.
Don't let anyone steal your peace. Try this exercise while there; observe people from a neutral place. Observe yourself: Notice what activates you positively and negatively. Choose to respond rather than react. Breathing helps here.
Practice and enjoy socializing. Memorize a few good jokes or have them accessible on your electronics. Plan questions to ask that are neutral; people will feel listened to and that you are interesting.
Examples: “What was 1943 like?”; “What were you doing the day of the first moon landing?”
Ask similar questions of different people. You get a puzzle piece from each. Ask for a recipe. If someone says they bought it be interested in the store.
As you observe yourself you might come to realize the way we create our personalities has a lot to do with our family.
Do you see what role you represented in the family? Look at it through a new lens. Can you accept that role like a photograph? That’s not who you are but it’s how they remember you. This is an opportunity to measure how much you have grown. Sometimes we don't realize how far we've climbed the mountain until we look back down. Enjoy the view.
Plan an itinerary for yourself as if you were planning it for someone very special. Lastly, HAVE FUN!
I hope this helps your experience to be a calmer if not more enjoyable one this year. I would love to hear about your experience with utilizing these navigation tools!
Happy August!
Jeannine
