Learning

Teaching Joy To Children or Do We Have it Backwards?
by Karen Schachter, contributing editor

As parents, we are always thinking about how we can help our children grow up into happy, well-adjusted people. We read books that tell us how to make them more confident, smarter and healthier. We talk to friends about the concerns we have and ask their advice. Sometimes we agonize, fret, and worry...and as parents, that’s our job!

Yet what if, in all of our searching and reading and analyzing, we are missing one of the most powerful sources of knowledge about how to help our children experience more joy and confidence?

What if many of the answers we’re searching for actually lie in our children themselves?

As I was preparing to write this article, I was looking for quotes that captured the essence of how important it is for we parents to teach our children how to experience more joy.

My thoughts were developing and I was going to share ideas that I thought would be helpful, so you would feel more confident in ensuring that your children learned how to be joyful.

And then I came across this quote, by Robert Holden:

“Children smile 400 times a day on average...adults 15 times. Children laugh 150 times a day...adults 6 times per day. Children play between 4 and 6 hours a day...adults only 20 minute a day! What’s happened?”

I thought about the irony: that sometimes in all of our analyzing and reading and worrying, we may be actually shutting down the joy that is inherent in children. We unwittingly turn them into adults who forget to laugh, who stop smiling at strangers and puppies and silly things, and who don’t have time to play because they are so busy working!

Because the thing is, joy is not learned through studying or reading or analyzing or planning. Joy is FELT through the heart.

So this holiday season, instead of worrying about what you can do to teach joy — or even give joy (more gifts?!) — to your children, consider that they are already joy-filled people and perhaps there is a thing or two you might learn from watching them.

Here are a few ways I learn to experience more joy from my children every day. I’d love to hear what you learn from yours!

  1. Stay in the moment. Kids know how to do this, instinctively. When they are playing, they are playing. When they are eating, they are enjoying their food, rather than worrying about the calories! Being in the moment allows you to put your worries and stresses on pause, and truly enjoy what’s happening now!
  2. Get your needs met! Young children ASK for what they need. When they are hungry, the let you know. When they are bored, they find something to do. When they are tired, they sleep until they’ve had enough (without setting an alarm!). Practice getting your own needs met. It is hard to feel joy when you’re feeling exhausted, run-down and stressed!
  3. Learn to PLAY! Sometimes we adults spend so much time and energy feeling self-conscious about our bodies, that we forget how much fun it is to MOVE them...to run and play and wrestle! Or we may be so busy checking things off of our to-do list that even when we are playing, our minds are elsewhere. Watch your children play with full attention and with abandon, and toss aside your worry about whether you might silly or whether your laundry will get done on time and join them. (Nothing will make them happier!)

Although it’s easy to get caught up in the commercialism of this season, keep in mind that the REAL joy — for you AND for your children — come not from more stuff, but from connecting, playing, and laughing with those that we love!

Enjoy!