Homework
Reap the Benefits or Suffer the Consequences
Nayada Cowherd, contributing editor
Every action we take, every thought we think, every decision we make garners results for us. Our intention is for those results to be beneficial, thus gleaning the goodness. But on occasion we suffer the negative consequences of our actions, thoughts or decisions. And the price can be more than what we want to pay. My mother used to always tell me, “Life sends very expensive bills.” I questioned the wisdom of that, as children often question their parent’s wisdom. I didn’t really understand it until I actually received a bill marked “paid in full.” As parents we don’t want our children to stumble over lessons that we have learned through experience. Even before the birth of our offspring, parents vigorously plan out their child’s entire life. It’s a good rule of thumb to set basic guidelines for your child but consider their personalities and character, not just your past experiences.
According to a recent unscientific poll on a parenting site, when asked what future they saw for their children, parents overwhelmingly responded that they wanted positive, happy, independent, successful adults. This is very broad but also spot on. Any parent worth their salt wants this for their child. But how do you get there?
Why, you plan, of course!
Planning is key. Some of us are guilty of over planning and we have certainly all been victim to under-planning. But as a parent, often times it is difficult to plan accurately. Families have many moving parts (most often those are called people) and frequently we find ourselves in a situation before we have ever planned out how to deal with them. Planning after the fact isn’t necessarily a bad thing. As situations arise (if there is no immediate danger) give it a chance to settle. Decide on your desired outcome and design a path to get there.
Begin with the end in mind. We have been charged with guiding our children to success although there are many differing ideas of what success is. Fast forward to a time in the future that you hope your child might have attained success. Determine what you hope for them to become. Not specifically or career-wise but rather what sort of person you want them to be, values they will possess and morals they will hold. In age appropriate language, have continued conversations with them about what they expect of themselves and your vision for them. Adjust the plan as necessary.
Children learn what they live. Assess what you are modeling to ensure the success you desire for your child. YOU have to walk the walk. Throw out the old adage “Do as I say, not as I do” and set yourself as an example. If you really want to harvest positivity, peace and success for your offspring, you must show them how to properly sow the seeds. So many times do I see my children mimicking my behavior and it shows me exactly what I have taught them. And many times a lesson still needs to be learned on my part.
Listen and learn. Learning is a lifelong occupation. As our children are taught by our words and actions, we in turn should be observing, listening to, learning from them. And then, applying that knowledge to continually assess and if necessary adjust our approaches.
Be Patient. Change and growth are not accomplished overnight.
