Homework
Nayada Cowherd, contributing editor
Did you know that everything your children are experiencing while growing up is nothing more than training ground for their future lives as adults? This of course is a generalization but for the most part it is. If you want your children to grow into responsible, caring adults then those lessons must be taught while they are young and they must be taught as a part of how they live.
Take, for instance, chores. Ask any child if they like chores and the majority will give you a resounding NO! And if the truth were to be told, most adults would agree with them. But, we all make messes and someone has to clean them up. And yet it is through chores that children learn many of the life skills that will carry them through the rest of their lives. Imagine your child as an adult living alone. Who is going to take care of their house? Certainly not you! (At least, I hope not.)
I remember hearing this story once about a college student that had recently moved into the dorm. One morning, after about a month or two, he woke up and there were pizza boxes and soda bottles all over his room. He couldn’t figure out how this had happened. After all. It never happened at home! So, he called his mother. She explained to him (obviously a little too late) that he needed to take the trash OUT of the room as she had done for him when he lived at home.
While preparing to write this article, I was curious as to the opinions of parents when it came to chores and if they had a rule of doing chores in their homes. Was it a part of the child’s responsibility? Were they paid a fee for performing those chores or were the chores pretty much left up to the parents or the housekeeper for those families that could afford to have one?
Interestingly there was a “mixed bag” of responses depending on their individual circumstances. What I did find interesting however, was that in situations where there was a single-parent household, the children, overwhelmingly, had the responsibility of helping around the house. There also seemed to be a feeling of owning the responsibility when it came to doing what is needed in order to make the household function.
So how do you get your kids on board? I am so glad you asked. First step, call a family board meeting.
- Explain the role of individuals in a community (your family). Let your child/ren contribute to the conversation. Have them explain to you why everyone has to cooperate. Tell them what your role is in taking care of them (i.e., job, cooking, planning, etc). Ask them to tell you what their role could be in taking care of you and their siblings.
- Identify chores that need to be completed and how often. Use a whiteboard or a large sheet of paper and have everyone contribute to the list of needs and responsibilities around the house. Include things as simple as sweeping the floor or putting away shoes or as complicated as doing laundry or actual grocery shopping. Be sure to include your duties on the list, as well.
- Have everyone pick chores that they want to do. Be considerate of age appropriate chores. A rule of thumb could be to give one chore for every 2 years of the age of the child. For instance, an 8 year-old can have as many as four chores. Older children may be a little savvy and select “easy” chores. It’s ok to assign chores to older children. You can also break bigger tasks down. For example, laundry consists of sorting, washing, drying, folding and hanging/putting away. Have younger children sort while older children can actually wash or fold.
- Assign value to the chores. It is ok to “pay” for the work, although payment doesn’t have to be in the form of actual dollars. You can use monopoly money or even stickers and they can cash it in for treats or fun activities. Or, you can allot video game time or TV time. These will come in handy for enforcement of chores (and can also help to teach finances).
- Create a calendar. A week at a time is practical and can be duplicated every week. Be sure to put names with chores on corresponding days. Color coding can make it simpler. Leave the columns at the end as a space to tally “payment.” Every time a chore is completed have the child notate it in the column. To help keep down on confusion you should initial and date it.
- Make sure everyone understands and is in agreement. Get buy-in. Have your child/ren explain what can happen when their respective chores aren’t done.
*Things to remember — Do the chore with the child several times so that they can learn how to do it. It may take a few times for them to catch on.
Sometimes chores are beyond a child’s ability but that doesn’t become clear until they have tried it. Let them know you appreciated their effort and help identify a more appropriate chore. They can continue to help you with the more complicated chore until they learn it.
Once your child gets into the habit of a chore or learns it well, it is ok to swap out chores from week to week.
If they miss a chore, have them make it up the next day. If they continue to miss chores, collectively discuss consequences and escalate them. For example, first offense would be a make-up chore, second offense could be a deduction in “payment,” repeat offenses could be that they have to “pay” you (give up already earned treats).
Chores don’t have to be grueling or lonesome. My sons like to play “basketball” while sorting the laundry. Some chores can be done altogether as a family, like cooking or window washing and can actually be fun. Imagine the water fights you can have as you hose down the windows on the house!