ARE YOU LISTENING TO WHAT YOU THINK AND SAY?
Robert M. Brown III, Ph.D., contributing editor
A few months ago, I was having a conversation with a friend that I have known for several years. We speak about once a month or so. As usual, we do the “catch up” thing... How have you been? How’s the family? What’s new in your life? When it was my turn to ask these questions, a distinct heaviness invaded the usual upbeat tenor of our talks. My friend expelled a barrage of complaints which included issues with a dictatorial supervisor, not enough money to make ends meet, irritation at siblings who just won’t act right, frustration with aggressive drivers and rude people in general and, oh yes, perplexity with not being able to have a decent relationship with the significant other. At the conclusion of this tirade, my friend said with resignation but things could be worse...
It is no secret that many people are experiencing challenging times. These can test the limits of the most optimistic. Everyone has the right to feel how they feel but it’s still a choice. You can’t play the victim and be empowered at the same time. What you think and say really matters and so much of this can be based on past experiences. It is human nature to use past events as a barometer of what the present and future are likely to bring. If a person chooses to dwell on the negative experiences from two hours prior or 20 years ago, chances are favorable that those same experiences will be a harbinger of things to come. You can’t continuously focus on what you don’t have but wonder why things never seem to go your way. If a person says that they never have enough money, they just sent a message to the universe reinforcing more of the same. Keep in mind that the universe always listens and it is very responsive to our thoughts, words and actions. So, is it any wonder why some people seem to get more of what they don’t want instead of what they truly desire?
Before we can really think about what we have or don’t have, it’s really important to understand our thoughts. They are the mustard seed that facilitates the growth and development of what we ultimately achieve. Some of the most successful people in life have chosen to become students of being fully aware of their thinking at all times. Initially, this is much easier said than done but with effort, time and consistency, greater self-awareness about your thoughts will become a very natural part of your daily routine. An approach to begin this process includes the following steps:
- Write down how you feel at this very moment (e.g., good, bad, happy, sad, nervous, stressed, depressed, indifferent, unsure, or excited).
- Determine how often you have the feelings that you have written down (e.g., all of the time; most of the time; some of the time; very rarely). Do this for each feeling.
- Think about and briefly describe what caused you to feel each feeling.
- Tally the number of positive feelings and negative feelings.
- For the next thirty days, begin each day by expressing positive affirmations, giving thanks for your life, your health, your talents, your family and the challenges that you face.
- Note: While the challenges may not be pleasant or seem positive, they can be great facilitators of your personal growth and development by helping you to reach your full potential.
- At the conclusion of the thirty days, repeat the first four steps to see if your feelings are becoming more positive.
What this exercise does is help you to create a profile of your feelings and thoughts by purposefully getting in your own head. It’s very important to be honest about your feelings for this exercise to work. You may be surprised by what you find. That’s okay. The point is that you have begun the process of being more present in the moment about how and why you feel what you feel. This is an important step in recognizing and controlling your thinking and what you express. Both of these ultimately affect what you do and what you receive.
For 2011, make the commitment to accentuate the positive. This phrase is not just the title of a song but it’s truly a practice that requires active participation on your part. Keep in mind that our thoughts are not just with us when we are awake but they are also a part of the deepest reaches of our subconscious. So, the next time that you may be tempted to think and say something that isn’t positive, remember that you won’t be the only one who hears it. The universe is listening as well.
Happy New Year!
