Learning
Mother May I?
Karen Schachter, contributing editor
www.dishingwithyourdaughter.com
Remember that game when you were little? “Mother may I take two steps forward?” “Mother may I take 1 baby step?” I’m not sure how that game developed, but when I think about it, it really does express a certain respect and devotion to “Mother.”
And as a culture we still have this respect and devotion, on one level. Yet on another level, mothers are more overworked and exhausted than ever. Not only are they carrying the ever-increasing demands of “motherhood,” but very often, they are carrying full-time workloads outside of the home as well.
Although we left the “June Cleaver” model behind and many of us know “Martha Stewart” has a large staff to help her achieve “perfection” in the home, many women still hold on to an idealized image of how they “should” be. And it’s exhausting.
So although Mother’s Day is behind us, I’d like to invite you to join me in celebrating Mother’s Day all month. And in that vein, although this article is usually devoted to how to support and teach your children, this month it’s devoted to YOU. Yes, I’m inviting you to think about you first; to consider your needs, desires, wants and joys. I’m inviting you to dream and play and rest and replenish.
Before you gasp and think I’m asking you to be “selfish” or self-absorbed, let me explain. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression before, “Put on your own oxygen mask before helping your child put on theirs...” And many of us give lip service to that. Yet, really, truly, how many moms are actually doing this? And how many moms are thinking they can go without oxygen and just push through to get more done for everyone else? What about you? Is your oxygen mask on or is it still hanging from the ceiling while you run around breathless meeting everyone else’s needs?
In my work and in my life, I hear from moms all the time who are tired, depleted, and run down. Moms who don’t have enough time to exercise, go on a date with their husband, or go to bed early. Moms who have dreams they’ve put on the backburner, or unexpressed creativity dying to get out, or a passion to express a part of themselves but worry it’s not “practical.”
To this I say, ENOUGH!
You are not doing anyone any favors — yourself, your children or the world — by putting your needs last, by forgetting or denying the power of your joy, passion and self-expression. To quote spiritual leader, Marianne Williamson, from her book A Return To Love, “we are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us — it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
This month is YOUR month to shine. Not just to “put on” your oxygen mask, but to get comfortable breathing in it; to leave it on, and to honor your own needs for breath...and life.
If you need help getting started, here are some ideas that may help:
- Get a beautiful journal and begin “free writing” in it for 10-15 minutes a day. Let your thoughts flow and see what comes out. Don’t edit, just allow yourself to dream and express what’s been hiding inside.
- Before you start your day running around making breakfast, packing lunches, or feeding the dogs, take 5-10 minutes for yourself. Do what brings you peace and calm: Breathe, walk outside, write, watch the sun rise...It’s amazing what 5 minutes of “me” time at the beginning of your day can do.
- Remember, you are teaching your children not simply by what you say to them and do for them, but by what you are doing for yourself. Take a step back and observe. What are they learning about self-care from you?
- If you’ve had a dream to do something, however small or insignificant, or big and scary, it may seem...allow yourself to give voice to that dream. Start writing or talking about it. Realize that if you can think it and believe it, you can create it.
- What is it you’re really craving? Most of us push through our cravings for rest, sleep, down time, connection...and superficially “fill up” with food, alcohol or other temporary replacements. If your cravings could talk, what might they be telling you? What if you gave yourself what you really needed?
