Learning

I Have a Dream...For Your Children and Mine
by Karen Schachter, contributing editor
http://www.dishingwithyourdaughter.com

When was the last time you reminded your child to do his homework? Eat her vegetables? Brush his teeth? Clean up her room?

If you’re like me, it was perhaps a few hours or days ago.

And when was the last time you reminded your son to express his passions? Or your daughter to remember to believe in her dreams? Or for them to make a wish, and believe with all their hearts, that it could come true if they worked toward it?

Yes, me neither. Not too recently.

And yet what I really believe, from working with hundreds of children and adults (is that our children NEED us to remind them to believe in their passions and dreams and wishes. It is their passions, dreams and wishes that will give umph to their actions, meaning to their lives, and perhaps even change the world.

Sometimes we are afraid to encourage our children to dream. We may worry that they’ll be disappointed if they dream and then don’t become President or an Olympic skater. So we may rationally tell them, “oh honey, those are nice dreams, but I wouldn’t put all my eggs in that basket. You need to think rationally.”

I’m all for rational thinking, but I’m a bigger fan of believing in dreams. When I see clients who are struggling with depression or anxiety or overeating, they have one thing in common: They have lost sight of — or stopped believing in — their dreams. One of the quickest way I can help them feel better is to help them dream again, and take action toward those dreams.

A few weeks ago, at one of my mom-daughter retreats (for 11 year old girls and their moms), I led a powerful exercise about “wishes.” Thanks for the idea from a wonderful book called Moon Mother, Moon Daughter, by Janet Lucy and Terry Allison. I did this not only because I believe in dreams, but I also know that 11 years old is right around the time that girls start to abandon their own dreams and wishes in order to “fit in.” A healthy girl, with a high self-esteem, and this goes for boys too, is one who is able to remain connected to her true self — her deep wishes, dreams and feelings.

It is never too early to instill the power of dreaming in your children, so no matter what the age of your kids, this is an exercise that you may wish to try as a family or with a group of children. Here’s a brief overview of what to do, but feel free to be creative and add your own spin to it!

  1. Gather supplies: a small wooden box with a lid (from any crafts store); magazines; colored paper; ribbons; stickers; glitter; glue; fabric; paper cut out like stars or hearts; markers and paper.
  2. Let the children know that you are doing a “Dream” or “Wishes” activity and share your thoughts about why you believe in their dreams and why you want to encourage them to celebrate them as well.
  3. Have them make a list of their dreams/wishes. You can let them know they may have 5 or they may have 50 — it doesn’t matter.
  4. Ask them to pick 1 for this particular exercise (but the rest are important too and they can save those for later).
  5. Ask them to think about the essence of their wish. For example, if a girl says she wants to be popular, the essence of that wish might be that she wants to fit in, she wants to have friends, she doesn’t want to feel alone. This is powerful in helping them realize that sometimes the wish or dream is really more about the feeling that it induces, rather than the specific thing they think they want (especially for concrete thinkers!)
  6. Have them write their one wish on the “star” or “heart” paper.
  7. Then, have them decorate their boxes. Encourage them to write words on them, use colors they like, cut out and paste things that make them feel good.
  8. When boxes are dried and wishes are written, sit around in a circle. Invite each person to share his/her wish with the family/group, and let them know that by saying it out loud, it gives power to their wish. It also helps others root for them and support them in achieving their dreams.
  9. As each person shares her wish, she drops it in her box, and everyone cheers. At the end of the ceremony, you may ask each other how you can support each others’ wishes.
  10. Encourage the children to use their wish boxes to store all their wishes!

P.S. Moms and Dads can create wish boxes too! Your dreams matter, and by having the courage to reach for your dreams, you set the most powerful example for your children!