Learning

Navigating The Real World

by Karen Schachter, contributing editor
http://www.dishingwithyourdaughter.com

It was a beautiful sunny day, and Hannah and I had just finished walking the High Line in NYC and meandering through some pretty cool places. As we were heading up Lexington Avenue, she turned to me and asked, "Can we pleeeeeease go to Dylan's? I've been wanting to go all week but Grandma and I didn't have time."

It would have been easy for me to say no, and I could have used any number of reasons—we don't have time or it's really not healthy and I don't feel comfortable buying that for you or it's overpriced or, simply said, not today. I would have had to deal with a little whining, but sometimes it's a parent's job to set limits that a child doesn't like. It comes with the territory.

However this was one of those times when I decided to say yes. Perhaps it was because I didn't want to deal with the answer of maybe or quite possibly, I had a little hankering for a piece of chocolate myself. The most likely reason I did it was because it seemed like a fun thing to do for both of us.

My daughter is well-aware of my interest in health and eats plenty of real, unprocessed food because in our house that is the norm.

And while I love passing on good health values, I also want her to know that it is not an all-or-nothing world, and also that she does not have to experience her treats outside of her relationship with me.

For health counselors reading this, I am well-aware that corn syrup and coloring and so on is unhealthy, but I truly believe that part of being healthy is joy, decreased stress, connection, and confidence. And at that moment, Dylan's seemed to provide an opportunity to support the latter.

If you have never been to Dylan's, it's a bit like Disneyland; colorful, crowded, over-stimulating, and overwhelming. Displays of candy are everywhere; everything from current favorites to old-time candies. There was a chocolate fountain to dip strawberries in, a lady offering samples of fudge, candy displayed on the floor, on the walls and on t-shirts. Wow!

We navigated our way through the rows and rows of candy. We oooed and aahhhed. We imagined what this one would be like, what that one might be like. We finally chose a piece of fudge and a chocolate truffle. We shared bites and savored the sweet goodies, as we made our way to our next activity.

This is where it occurred to me that helping our children navigate their relationship to food is not much different than helping them navigate the realities of the world as they grow up and graduate from one phase of life to the next.

Our role is to share our values, to make room for a variety of experiences, and to know when to offer clear boundaries and when to let go, so they can become confident and wise of their own bodies and lives. Here are a few ideas to help you to navigate candy stores and real life:

  1. Honor her desires while helping her to honor her needs.
  2. Provide her with a taste of reality without the guilt.
  3. Work to manage your own anxiety.
  4. Mistakes are teachable moments, so allow her to make them.
  5. Encourage her to slow down and savor the delicious moment and all them to nourish her form the inside out.
  6. Know when to bite your tongue and when to offer input and advice.

Parenting is not an easy job, but it is one that has great benefits. It allows us the opportunity to grow as we are helping our children to grow, to instill values and recognize what really matters as we strive to live each day, and for our children, the confidence in knowing that.

Not an easy job, this parent thing! The thing is, I don't believe there are hard and fast rules - about parenting, about food, or about life. I do, however, believe that the real world can be a healthy place to live.