Learning
The Real Power of Love
Karen Schachter , contributing editor
www.dishingwithyourdaughter.com
As a psychotherapist for the past 16 years, and as a health counselor for the past 5, I have seen more than my share of longing for love and substituting pints of ice -cream for affection. I’ve heard story after story of wishing for more: more love, more validation, more understanding, more connection and more warmth.
And it’s obvious to most of us that fancy toys, cars or pints of ice cream cannot replace love. Yet somehow, we live in a culture where there’s lots of confusion about that! What we often feel, and unwittingly teach our kids is that the biggest boxes or the most elaborate packaging or the fullest bank accounts will fill us with a feeling of having enough.
We still think we might find love in that bag of chips or new toy but much to our chagrin, after the initial excitement wears off, we’re stuck with that same old longing again.
During this “season” of love, I’ve been reflecting on love. I’ve been considering, what actions convey love best; what protects love; and what helps us really imprint our children’s brains and hearts with positive love templates? Because what I want most for my children (and for yours) is for them FEEL loved to allow to them to become adults who know how to both give and receive this powerful, life-giving force.
I gained some insight to my questions about love through an experience the other evening while sitting down to a nice Friday night dinner with my family, followed by family. This evening felt so warm and good to me and, by the expressions on my kids’ faces and in their laughter, to them too.
I realized that in the course of our daily lives, although I tell my children I love them frequently and snuggle with them regularly, there are days that go by during the week that feel like we are on a treadmill.
From school to activities to dinner to bed we are all busy trying to get our stuff done. Although our children KNOW we love them, they don’t always FEEL validated and connected and understood and responded to, in these fast, fast, fast days.
Slowing down, creating rituals, and making time for play and connection and laughter...and yes, “breaking bread” together, sets a tone for REAL, delicious connections for our children and for us. And helps them FEEL, on a visceral level, what true love is...so they can become loving, caring people whose hearts are filled, who help others feel loved, and who make the world a kinder, gentler more peaceful place.
And to me, this is what Love is...
Connection
Sharing
Laughing
Creating
Expressing Gratitude
Asking Questions
Listening
Time together — Quality matters
Sharing a Homemade meal
Playing
Rituals
Home
Respect
Fun
Peace
Joy
And, well, yes...Chocolate
