From the Heart
Robert M. Brown III, Ph.D., contributing editor
When the publisher of this magazine informed the contributing editors that the focus of the February issue would be love is..., I couldn’t wait to get started. It’s no secret that February and Valentine’s Day are inextricably linked to flower deliveries, candy, cards, big nights on the town, weekend excursions, presents and sometimes wedding proposals. It’s also no secret that the recipients of these acts of kindness are women, typically, not men. That’s fine... I’ll never forget the Valentine’s Day that I celebrated some years ago. I went all out...flowers, cards, a gift and a very well-planned date. The lady that I was seeing was moved to tears by my display. But when I asked her what she had gotten for me (I was thinking that a card would be nice), her expression led me to believe that the thought never crossed her mind. She was speechless. I can laugh about it now but I assure you that it wasn’t funny at the time. I acted as if her response or lack thereof didn’t matter because I really wanted her to enjoy the evening. The truth is it did matter.
I have never been a Valentine’s Day fan. This isn’t because of the emphasis placed on the man showing his affection and/or love for the woman in his life. It’s the idea that a specific day of the year has been designated for men to make a special effort to convey their feelings to that special lady. My belief is that February 14th should be one of many days during the year that men and women act on the feelings of love for spouses, partners or significant others. After all, love is about behavior, not just words on paper. It’s the effort to bring the words to life that really matters and, in a manner that is recognizable to the other person. Love is about trust, understanding, friendship, commitment and sacrifice, to name a few, in addition to the euphoric aspects of this emotion.
When I think about what love can be it starts with feelings from deep within that rise and grow to a place that is very different from other feelings. It’s when two people have this feeling, in their own way, at first, and the expression is conveyed in a manner that is recognizable and received by the other person. This feeling is never forced. It’s natural. It can defy logic and be completely unexpected. Think about the time that you may have seen someone in a way that was a complete surprise to you. You may have known the person for some time but on this particular occasion, something was different. You couldn’t explain it but you definitely felt the feeling. It was powerful and it demanded your full attention. It was a call to action! So, what did you do? Did you respond or did you ignore the moment? Hopefully, the moment didn’t come and go with you wondering years later, perhaps, what might have happened if you took action.
This year and forever more, I challenge you to act with dispatch when the feeling of love calls. This isn’t about the romanticized imagery that is frequently portrayed in films and on television. It’s about you, your feelings and what you are going to do about them. What matters is not what happened to you a decade ago or six months ago that may have left scars. What matters is what you are going to do in this present moment to live a life of joy, abundance and purpose. Love is a big part of all of these. Let 2011 be the start of your new normal, in which you declare that you love yourself, you have love to give and you are worthy of being loved in ways that enhance your happiness and joy.
So, if a big night is in store for you towards the middle of this month, have a grand time. If you happen to be someone who may not be doing much on the 14th of February, that’s alright too. Remember, though, that love can call any day of the year and the choice to answer the call will be completely up to you, whether it’s Valentine’s Day or not.
