MindWorks

Charting Your Own Course
Renita C. Gabriel, Psy.D., contributing editor
http://www.breakthroughspsycservices.com

Last month my husband and I celebrated our wedding anniversary on the beautiful island of Bermuda. In addition to basking in the warmth of the sun’s rays on the island’s pink speckled sands, we kayaked the breathtakingly beautiful aquamarine waters. Neither one of us knew the first thing about kayaking, but we courageously embarked upon this new venture with a group of other novices and two experienced “instructors.” Well, let’s just say our instructors did not provide much instruction, so my husband and I were basically on our own when it came to figuring out how to maneuver our craft. It was a little unnerving at first, trying to figure out how to move left, right, or in any other direction for that matter. We soon fell behind our group. To my relief, one of the instructors became aware of us and began to coach us through the steering process. Pretty soon my hubby and I were in complete control of the kayak and we were moving smoothly along the water, seemingly in sync with its flow and each other. We eventually caught up with the other kayakers without incident. I was especially grateful for this since I tend to be the more apprehensive one between my husband and I. As I reflected on our little “detour”, I was reminded that sometimes in life we seemingly “fall behind” others, but when we focus on thriving where we are at the moment, we eventually get to where we need to be. Do you find yourself trying to “keep up with the Joneses?” Envying others for their accomplishments? Is your self-esteem suffering because you are not where you want to be or believe you should be? Many of us have been there, and some of us may be there now. Let me encourage you by saying you don’t have to stay there, you can “chart your own course.”

In a previous article, I mentioned the importance of self-acceptance and self-worth. Recall that self-worth is one’s overall sense of value, worth, goodness, and deservedness and is a component of self-esteem. Self acceptance is simply accepting yourself for who you are at the moment. When we compare ourselves with others and make the assessment that we don’t measure up, we are diminishing our own sense of self- worth and value. We know that a diminished sense of self- worth leads to all sorts of intrapersonal and interpersonal difficulties. So how do we keep our sense of self-worth and ultimately our self-esteem intact? It is not solely through self-acceptance, but also through maximizing our potential where we are. We begin to do this by taking inventory of our own gifts and talents and then by identifying how and where to use them (October 2010 issue). I am a firm believer that everyone has a unique purpose that only they can fulfill. Perhaps Max Lucado articulates it best in his book Cure for the Common Life when he says, “You can do something no one else can do in a fashion no one else can do it” (pg.19).

As we consider the notion of being “on course” for the month of June, I urge you to reflect on how that applies to you as an individual. You may find that being “on course” for you means charting your own.

Consider the following TIP for the month:

• Take time to reflect on where you are in your life and how you arrived there.
• Identify where you want to be, and create a strategy to get there taking into consideration your current resources.
• Put forth the effort to achieving that goal using the strategy tailor made for you.

Disclaimer — Please note that the monthly “TIP” does not constitute a therapeutic relationship with the readership nor substitute for a professional consultation with a licensed mental health professional.