Learning

Are You (and Your Children) Overstuffed but Undernourished?

by Karen Schachter, contributing editor
http://www.dishingwithyourdaughter.com

Ever notice how much stuff we have? How much stuff is marketed to us? Does it ever seem to you that we are busting out at the seams, loading up with fancier cars, more clothes, more storage units, and yet still...we continue to feel the need for more?

Why are we in such hot pursuit of more, more, more? Why are we overstuffing ourselves with stuff we don’t need, while continuing to strive for more stuff, more satisfaction, more happiness? It seems to me that we are overstuffed but undernourished.

I call this phenomenon “the pursuit of enoughness,” which goes something like this: I need to do more, be more, or have more because “I’m not thin enough, tall enough, pretty enough”; “I’m not satisfied enough”; “I’m not rich enough”; “I don’t have enough”; “I’m not a good enough mother, friend, wife, etc.”

Not surprisingly, this pursuit of more, more, more is often reflected in our relationship to food, eating and how we feel about our bodies. My friend calls this experience “banquet anxiety”—you know, that feeling you have when you’re at a party with just so-so food, yet you’re still worried about whether there will be food when it’s your turn to get to the buffet? It’s a desire for more, a fear that there won’t be enough for you...even though, truthfully, you may not really like it much anyway!

So when you get to the buffet you stock up, overstuff, and then wish you hadn’t eaten so much. (Yet you may also feel so disappointed if that chocolate cream pie was finished before you had a chance to get it).

Ever experienced this?

Instead of feeling nourished and satisfied, there’s a sense that you are being deprived if you don’t get more or if you don’t fill your plate with the variety of morsels from the buffet, whether or not your body really wants or needs that food.

Rather than tuning in to what you really want, with food or with stuff, you may get all filled up and still remain unsatisfied.

When we are craving “enoughness,” it’s not usually a new shirt or even a new car that will satisfy in the long-term (although it can be a quick fix!). It’s not even a scoop of ice cream or bag of chips that will fill our desire for satisfaction (although, again, another quick fix!). When we are feeling “hunger for more”, it’s often relaxation, time for self-care and self-reflection, connection with people we love, time in nature, and other things that truly fill us up, that we are craving.

Here are some tips that may help you in de-stuffing your own life (and eating) and helping your daughter do the same, so that you may both experience the delicious satisfaction that comes with that feeling of “enoughness.”

  1. Find some quiet time to reflect on what you’re overstuffed with. Make a list of those things—activities, relationships, foods and stuff- that are taking up space on your “plate” but adding little in the way of nourishment.
  2. On a separate list, reflect on what’s truly satisfying you currently—food and otherwise—and adds to your wellbeing, rather than weighing you down. What else would add to your satisfaction?
  3. Help your children consider the idea of “enoughness” by talking openly (depending on their age) about our culture’s obsession with more. Explain that many companies thrive on consumers’ feelings of “not enough”!
  4. If your daughter (or son) struggles with overeating or using food to cope with feelings, talk with her about how food temporarily may feel like it’s making her problem go away, and continue to brainstorm with her about finding more satisfying—and long-term—solutions to her concerns or worries.
  5. Spend time with your daughter being in the moment—there is nothing like being present in your life to remind us of what really nourishes and satisfies. Start educating your children early that seeking more will never be enough, until they are able to savor what’s right in front of them.