Learning
Don’t Worry...Be Happy
by Karen Schachter, contributing editor
Remember that song? It was quite popular back in the late '80s, and still hearing it today, makes me smile Although the song had a catchy beat, I am guessing it was also its simple message that resonated with so many people.
We all want to feel less worry and angst and more joy and happiness. And we all want to raise children who are happy, vibrant and feeling alive!
Yet this isn't the case for many of us. And, sadly, the rates of childhood anxiety and depression and stress are rising as well.
Have you ever felt this way or said to yourself, I will be happy when. . . or I was happy in the past when... Happiness, for many, is either a distant memory or a fantasy of what the future may hold — if only. Unfortunately, it often doesn't feel like a reality in our present lives.
This is not what we want to teach our children, is it?
So why aren’t we happier? And what can we do about it?
Although many of us believe that happiness will come with a certain achievement, a new toy, a lot of money, a gorgeous new dress, a certain body weight or size, or even an unlimited amount of chocolate, studies show that these short-term activities or achievements, although they feel good temporarily, do not necessarily lead to fulfillment or long-term happiness.
We may be spending a lot of time barking up the wrong tree.
And certainly, if this is what we believe, then this is what our children will grow up believing too.
Of course, money, new toys, a thin body and even a new dress that reflects you, for example, can absolutely improve your mood and help you feel more confident and happy. But generally, this happiness is temporary. It doesn’t increase a deep, inner sense of satisfaction.
So if a new dress or a shiny new toy doesn’t work, what does help us get more long-term happiness in our lives?
Studies show that although genetics and life circumstances (gender, race, economic status) together may account for about 60% of our level of happiness, the remaining 40% is within our own control.
As a worrier by nature, from a family with, shall we say, its fair share of serotonin deficiencies, I find this an enormous relief! There is tons I can do (and have done) to counteract my set point and my children’s happiness set point; and there is plenty YOU can do, too, to reset yours and your children’s.
Want to give it a try? Pick one of the following suggestions each week and notice how it shifts your own happiness setpoint:
- Instead of focusing on what's wrong with you and what you don't do well, focus on your strengths. What do you know you do well? Use these strengths as often as possible. Help your child identify her strengths and use them often.
- Practice gratitude daily. If you're a glass half-empty type, this may take some practice. Notice what's going right in your life and acknowledge it. Make a gratitude practice a part of your family’s daily life.
- Do things that you feel enthusiasm and excitement about. What turns you on? Do more of it! Get in the flow... Have more fun as a family!
- Help others and teach your children the value, and the good feelings that arise, from giving back. It always feels good to reach out to others in need.
- Find meaning. For some, this may be a connection to a higher source or some aspect of spirituality. For others, it may mean simply doing things that fill you up and add fulfillment to your life. What is it that truly feeds your soul? Do it.
As you take charge of increasing your happiness, notice what else begins to change in your life. You may be pleasantly surprised.
