Celebrations

Adopting an Attitude of Gratitude

Each year on the 4th Thursday of November, Americans set aside time to offer gratitude for the blessings that are present in their lives. It is also the time when most will take the opportunity to spend time with family and friends. On Thanksgiving day families of every color and ethnicity, whether born in this country or not, can be found around kitchen tables and dining rooms, or if like my family, celebrating under the open skies. It is the time when new babies are shown off and grandparents are deferred to as they share stories of good times past.

This time of the year can also prove to be very difficult for some families because of past hurts that somehow manage to resurface with the coming together of so many different personalities. Gatherings have a way of bringing out the best in us, but it can also bring out what is the worst in us as well.

As much as we would like to rewind the clock and write a different script of past moments, we cannot and the challenge then becomes what to do with the stuff that continues to weigh us down. There are no magic bullets for healing when the genesis of the pain is sitting across the table from you, nor can you pretend that it did not happen. It is not an easy challenge, but it is one over which you have power to change if change is what you desire to do. You can make the most of the moments that are present and allow the painful past to serve as fertile ground with which to write a new and different story with a happier ending.

If you are dreading the upcoming holiday season, here are a few tips that can help you to get through:

  1. Remember you cannot control your past or your present, but you can control how you respond to it.
  2. You do not get to choose your family but you can choose how to love them.
  3. Practice tolerance — for your struggle with being patient and for those with whom you must be patient.
  4. Remember everyone has baggage and the only difference between your baggage and theirs is how you carry it.
  5. Choose to forgive what cannot be changed.
  6. Celebrate the blessings of having people in your life whom you can call family.
  7. Choose to love your family, not because you have to but because you can. Keep in mind too that love is more action than emotion.
  8. If things get too hot, get out of the kitchen and take a walk. You will be amazed at how different things appear when you step back and view things from a distance.