Homework
The Perfect Gift
By LaTeisha Williams
As most parents know, during this time of the year what seems to bring the most joy to our children is the receiving of gifts. Many are diligent in preparing their lists, sometimes in order of importance, of what they feel they must acquire. However, there is a gift that hardly ever makes the list. Despite that, it is the gift that will be the most cherished and best remembered. It always fits, never needs to be returned or exchanged, and is always appreciated. This gift gives both to the child and the parent and sincerely shows the child how special he or she is. It may not be requested often, but it is usually eagerly sought for, gladly received, and can be given over and over again without complaint. A gift with far-reaching benefits, it is better than any educational toy or self-help book. More than likely, a child given this gift will also give this gift to his or her children. Lastly, you get to name the cost! It can range from free to whatever you are able to afford. This gift is time.
Not just any time, your time; your individual, uninterrupted time with each of your children. In my home, we call them Mommy and Son/Daughter Day and Daddy and Son/Daughter Day. When these are implemented into the schedule, children will ask for more. This individual time gives the parent and child a chance to get to know each other from a completely different perspective. Family time and time with siblings is very important, but individual time with each child is also necessary. It could be something as simple as a special time set aside on a regular basis to play your child’s favorite game, do a puzzle together, make art work together, cook together, or take a walk. It could be something more elaborate, like going out for a meal, getting ice cream, putt-putt golfing, or enjoying a weekend of activities. The point is this—no matter how big or small the pursuit, it needs to allow for conversation with the child.
Starting this pattern of individual time when a child is young builds trust between parent and child. It can help to reduce the distance that commonly develops approaching and going through the teen years. When it has been established that the parent is a source of encouragement, honesty, genuine love and care, empathy, and a great listener, a child will be more likely to continue to share his or her thoughts and feelings while navigating toward adulthood. Since that individual time has already been made a priority, the child knows that there is always an outlet to talk about any concerns with his or her parents. This can make those difficult talks that parents and children need to have a bit easier. Individual time is one of the best ways to show how dear each of your children is to you. It will build their confidence and self-esteem, and very likely help them to turn away from peer pressure. It shows them that while it is important for the family to be provided for, the mission to gain material goods beyond what the family needs will not supersede the child’s well-being or your relationship with him or her.
As parents, our time to truly mold, instruct, and build up our children is limited. At some point they will enter adulthood, making their own decisions and starting their own families. Why not give them the perfect gift while you can?